Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Off The Reservation

That should be title for Charlie Sheen’s new Twitter and Ustream pages because there is literally no turning back for this guy. What is Sheen trying to accomplish with his crazy talk about warlocks and goddesses while referring to himself as a rockstar? Does he really have this many screws loose or does he just no longer care?

At this point everyone knows that Sheen has gone off the deep end/off the reservation/is having a stage five meltdown and is on the strangest public media tour/trip we’ve ever seen. Everyone also knows that he was not only fired from his television show but also from Time Warner in general. His career – for all intents and purposes – is done.

My question is this: Is he pulling a Joaquin Phoenix? Is all of this craziness about getting attention or has he really lost his fucking mind? I’m still not sure if Phoenix’s weird behavior was real or if he was just doing it to get a rise out of people but if I recall, no one cared as much about Phoenix as they do about Sheen. In fact, while Phoenix was making weird videos and talking about being a hip hop star, Sheen’s face is on every magazine in the supermarket including Entertainment Weekly and People.

Another difference between Sheen and Phoenix and the rest of the nutjobs I wrote about in my February 25th post (such as Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson) is that Sheen is entertaining. He is a train wreck in the most bizarre and arrogant way possible and no one can look away. His latest U-stream rant is called “Torpedoes of Truth Part 2” on which he films himself talking to his friend Bob (who is the epitome of an enabler as he laughs at everything Sheen says and tells him he’s brilliant) while smoking and drinking. Sheen calls the bottle of booze a “secret elixir” but makes a point to take swigs off camera because he’s not getting paid for drinking it. Ok Charlie – have another. Or maybe you should put that bottle down before you make an ass out of yourself for the millionth time.

Sheen also says things like “technology is bitchin’” and looks like a crack addict who hasn’t slept since 1988. His hair is going 100 different directions and he literally can’t stop talking nor can he sit still. Instead his eyes dart all over the place as if there are creatures surrounding him – and who knows, maybe there are. Remember this is Sheen’s world – we’re just watching it.

Here are some more gems:

“Their plan is shit, mine is gold.”
“Winner winner, Sheen dinner.”
“Bob, you too have a magic brain.”
“People are trying to interrupt my brilliance.”
“What’s not to love? It’s my life. Winning!”
“We are in the cyber pocket of greatness.”
“Did you notice that the word ‘hell’ is in the word ‘helicopter’? Just sayin’.”

But don’t just take my word for it – see this for yourself. Just know that it aint pretty:


So why have Sheen’s antics taken over pop culture for the last two weeks? Why are we so enthralled? Is it because scripted reality shows are no longer doing it for us and we need a former movie/television star to not only freak out but to record the freak out as well? I’ve heard predictions from people that he will be dead in six months. Who knows. I guess we’ll just keep watching until he is no longer entertaining or until the media stops giving him attention.

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